Breastfeeding, baby wearing, and bed sharing - OH MY! These are a few of my favourite things and if you’ve been following me on Instagram for awhile this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you! Selena and I have been attached at the hip since she was created, literally; I carry her all day and sleep with her all night. I don’t think there is a moment in the day when I am without my Selena. This type of parenting style goes by the name of Attachment Parenting (or Gentle Parenting) but, why did I chose this parenting style?
Before I was pregnant with Selena, I was dead against breastfeeding, believe it or not. It wasn’t for me. There was no way I was going to let a little human control MY schedule - yeah right! My future baby was going to be fed from a bottle so that I wasn’t stuck being the only one able to feed her. Why should I be stuck with that responsibility 24/7? (Insert eye-roll)
Then I got pregnant and decided breastfeeding would actually be best for my baby, at least for 6 months! I loved her so much already so I didn’t mind being the only one to feed her BUT she was definitely going to be sleeping through the night in her own room by 3 months. She would also be taking perfectly timed naps during the day so that my husband and I could continue with our “normal” before-baby lives. And, of course, I wouldn’t spoil her by carrying her too much and giving her attention every time she asked for it. Oh, how things changed!
I gave birth to our beautiful baby girl, Selena, and I realized she wasn’t an animal to be trained. In fact, motherhood wasn’t as easy as I expected it to be and my love for her was much deeper than I ever imagined! I didn’t want our “normal, before-baby” lives back. I LOVED our new normal.
This is why I say that Attachment Parenting chose me. I didn’t do months of research on it while I was pregnant. I had a beautiful crib and baby monitor set up in a nursery, ready to close the door and continue on with my day. I was ready to be a completely different parent then I turned out to be, but mama instincts arie STRONG and I just followed them.
The first few weeks of Selena’s life I tried to fight my own mama instincts. I kept trying to lay her down in her bassinet at night even though we were both happier together. I loved breastfeeding, but I pumped tons of bottles because I felt pressured to be prepared for date nights as soon as possible. I felt like a failure when Selena wouldn’t sleep in her swing or lay peacefully in her Moses bassinet, even though I preferred to hold her anyways. I felt sad, lost, and depressed - I wasn’t who I wanted to be as a mother.
Everything had to change. I bought a carrier and started wearing Selena (thanks, Beluga Baby!), I packed away the breast pump and bottles, and I stopped trying to put Selena down at night. Selena and I were both finally happy and still are six months later. Also, I will definitely be continuing breast feeding FAR past 6 months; I will be continuing until Selena no longer wants her “boobie”. It’s funny how things change, isn’t it?
Humans suck, of course, so I started getting shamed for sleeping with Selena and never putting her down. This is when I started to research and read about bed sharing and baby wearing. It turns out that North Americans are really the ONLY ones in the world who DON’T sleep with and wear their babies. In fact, there is a very large community of attachment parents and tons of studies done to prove that these things are actually healthier and more natural for babies (not judging, just informing).
This sparked a passion in me. Why is bed sharing and co-sleeping deemed as unsafe by society when it’s more natural than being separated? Why was holding your babies all day and not letting them cry considered spoiling when you can’t even spoil a baby? Why doesn’t anyone talk about the decline in breastfeeding and why are we told it should hurt? I needed to raise awareness! I didn’t want other first time moms to be pressured into the “norm” like I was. I didn’t want other moms to give up these precious moments that ARE actually biologically normal. It had to stop.
This is when I transformed my Instagram into “@girl.mom.of.1”. I started off by making posts and stories of me baby-wearing and bed-sharing with Selena; this peaked in interest in many of my followers (and even caused some controversy)! I started getting a lot of questions in my direct messages, so I decided to do a Q&A in my stories and was shocked at the outcome. So many people had no idea that bed-sharing could be done just as safely as crib sharing. So many people thought this type of parenting would ruin your relationship with their spouse. So many people asking me “aren’t you afraid you’re spoiling her?”. SO many people just didn’t know the facts! (I will be doing a post on most frequently asked Instagram questions in the near future - stay tuned!)
Over the past 3 months, my attachment parenting journey on Instagram has brought in over five THOUSAND followers. I know it’s not a lot, but I feel like I’m starting to accomplish what I intended which was to raise awareness and make these practices normal again. I want moms to know the benefits of co-sleeping, but also learn how to do it safely. I want moms to let go of the obsession to get their baby to sleep long hours away from them, and realize WHY this isn’t natural. I want baby-wearing and extended breastfeeding moms to be considered the “norm” again! But most of all, I want moms to be able to trust their instincts without feeling shamed.
I really hope my Instagram and my blog helps out a first time mom like me, who was scared and pressured by society to be a mom that I was not. I hope she feels empowered to trust her mama instincts and to love on her baby the way she chooses. This is why I’m so glad I found attachment parenting, or should I say, attachment parenting found me!
If you’d like to learn more about what it means to be an attachment parent, please stay tuned for more of my blog posts. You can also check out ”the attachment parenting book” by William and Martha Sears, and “Beyond the Sling“ by Mayim Bialik. If you have any questions feel free to email me or send me a direct message on my Instagram! Thanks for reading!